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IELTS Essay – Band 8


Band 8 Sample IELTS Essay

The below essay is written by a Student

Parenting is a tedious process which requires equal involvement from both mother and father. However, mothers play a pivotal role in raising a child, but the role of fathers can not be neglected.

In the modern era, equality and women empowerment is an important issue. Scientifically it is proven that fathers are responsible for making a child and hence they have a key role in a child’s upbringing. Since early times, the fathers have taken the role of the bread earner in most families therefore it is the responsibility of the father to provide his child with better facilities such as education, nutrition and good clothing. Whenever possible the father should use this opportunity to express his love for the family and his wife.

Generally males are associated with masculinity and other related work. The father also has a crusical role to play when reaching the young ones values of power, resistance and discipline. They act as a role modle for their kids and inturn  teaching them these valuable qualities. They can utilize this time to bond with their children and making them feel secure and guided

We should also consider, however, that the mother still remains the primary carer for her child. Woman are associated with love, compassion and patience. For instance, I personaly approach my mother when feeling low in mood or emotionaly touched. Mums are move closely related to a child’s needs and acts as a building stone in one’s life.

To conclude, although mothers give birth to the child however fatherhood has come a long way and is absolutely essential for a balanced childhood. Lack of time for males can be alleviated by utilizing weekends and time off from work.

Tutor Comments are:

  • TR – 8
  • CC – 8
  • LR – 7 (Some word choice errors)
  • G – 7/8 (Spelling)

Overall score 7.5

The below essay is Corrected by a Tutor

Parenting is a tedious process which requires equal involvement from both mother and father. However, mothers play a pivotal role in raising a child, but the role of fathers can not be neglected.

In the modern era, equality and women women’s empowerment is an important issue. Scientifically it is proven that fathers are responsible for making a child and hence they have a key role in a child’s upbringing. Since early times, the fathers have taken the role of the bread earner in most families therefore it is the responsibility of the father to provide his child with better facilities such as education, nutrition and good clothing. Whenever possible the father should use this opportunity to express his love for the family and his wife.

Generally males are associated with masculinity and other related work. The father also has a crusical crucial role to play when reaching the young ones values of power, resistance and discipline. They act as a role modle model for their kids and inturn  teaching teaching them these valuable qualities. They can utilize this time to bond with their children and making make them feel secure and guided

We should also consider, however, that the mother still remains the primary carer for her child. Woman are associated with love, compassion and patience. For instance, I personaly approach my mother when feeling low in mood or emotionaly touched. Mums are move closely related to a child’s needs and acts act as a building stone in one’s life.

To conclude, although mothers give birth to the child, however fatherhood Fatherhood has come a long way and is absolutely essential for a balanced childhood. Lack of time for males can be alleviated by utilizing weekends and time off from work.

Overall score 8

 

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